The begginning of the end

Damn how did I even get myself into this? I mean I was so against the whole blogging thing and now here it is. What makes a person just break down and give in? I dont know. I think it probably has something to do with not feeling as though you have a voice in anything. Or on the other hand, you have so much to say that when you speak people listen. Jeez I wonder which one of those characters I fit.

Well I guess instead of babble I need to say something witty that makes people shake their heads in agreement, or something so controversial that they disagree. Hmmm, I am not to good at this so I think I will say nothing to fit either of those and keep on going with the babble to I hit a nerve. Who says that anyone is going to read this anyway. I mean this is a place for me to vent. Not to share. I wont be giving this out on business cards and saying," hey check out my new blog!" I guess really I am more concerned with making sure my spelling and punctuation is correct even in this word of spell and grammar programs.

Things lately have been building up on me. I feel as though I carry a huge weight on my shoulders. Being a father of 4 at 33 is something and a husband to top it off. I guess I really never knew how difficult it could get. Being responsible for 5 other people plus myself is driving me nutz. Every one of my decisions effects my family. Every move I make could send us spiralling to the bottom of a spikey pit. Then I have to pick everyone up strap them to my tether and carry the weight up the mountain of shit.

My time has gotten shorter over the days and weeks also. There is no more time for me. I am a poet, screenwriter and musician with no time. None what so ever!!! They say you have to create a balance so that you include you in your plans. Well I think I have thrown me right out the window. Hopefully me blogging wont be one of those things I start and end up forgetting ornot having enough time. In reality the only time I have for me is at my desk at work. Most of everything I have done for myself has been a work venture. I mean I work at work too, but I have time once and a while to sneak things in.

If you havent notice I am scattered in my thoughts you may have to keep track, because I have one of those brains that seem to have thoughts every five minutes. I wont include my wife and kids names in my blogs, but I think you wil get to know them very well. The most important things is that you learn who I am, you take a piece of my thoughts, music and stories. This is my world to express me. Onward to bigger and better destinations off with you !!!! be gone tilst the next time......